Today, well what can i say, our littlest persons 1st birthday, i reminisced at 5am, posted on fb at 6am with flashback pics of a fabulous homebirth and a tiny squidge, by 9am i was a crying wreck in the outhouse of our home.


8am i call the others “time to get up for school” (the Tasmanian devil aka as the 2 year old was already up at this point, suspect he has his fathers genetics but alot of mine too so i am hoping he grows up to be some kind of half hearted genius).

The “asd” possibly with “pda” child ignored the call, her aspie father commented he thought it would be tricky to get her up today?! was he actually visualising a scene or had he just seen me rant about it that much he got it for once…. either way the morning ensued as he had predicted.

“go brush your teeth love” stands with muted silence, my darling ASD daughter only got out of bed coerced with brotherly birthday love on my part. getting dressed is now not the issue (i have learned ways to deal with ASD on that front) , personal hygiene on the other hand well, both hands need washing and she wants to wash neither, or her teeth or wear deodorant or generally from an NT kind of persons stance “give a shit about being clean” no amount of reward charts, positive reinforcement, and even “kids will bloody bully you if you’re breath stinks” works……

My beautiful daughter , this morning fell into that zone of being a mute wreck. Not ONE person teaches you how to deal with this, not one. I eventually got her to school. Then sat and sobbed, and sobbed. Today is our littlest birthday, today i got my golden boobs for breastfeeding for a year exclusively, Today i have to remind myself that I am a champion. For so many reasons other than i know.   That is my mantra so i continue to survive. So fed up of seeing posts on social media with “do you know how chuffing hard it is to be autistic, do you know the struggles we have” yes i effing well do, i am a researcher, seeker of knowledge, i know it all to well. Life is pretty shit for me too!! Living with autism is meh , tomorrow it may well be awesome