Autism is shit if you dont have it, you may want to have it, or even end up acting like you have it because the people around you create feelings in you (feelings………… nothing more than feelings…………)  that confuse the fuck out of your NT mind. I have millions of feelings that have never been substantiated by the man i live with.

Secure couples and singles with an ASD child, never really post what i believe is the truth. Infact no one does.

I post the truth, its shit, it gets shitter, sometimes it gets a little brighter but generally it is shit.

He can help himself , he just does not want to. Our 9 year old daughter has better insight into who she is than him. That is understandable,i am her mom, love her, help her not just be a cunt and blame everyone else for her problems. his reaction is not.

The man i live with, the man that cleaned a saucepan cupboard out after i had just had a baby, can learn social cues, well, could have. He only thinks that is “acceptable” because i have let him. His family let him down massively. Blamed me. Easier that way #foibles

I laugh, i make jokes about it, as that is the only way i can cope. I need to be loved by more than my children.

My last homebirth, i was so panicked he wouldnt remember to lock the front door , at 10cm dilated i am telling the midwives to remind him…. no drugs, 10cm and my worry is for him. I get nothing back from him emotionally. He falls asleep, because he is tired.

I have never told anybody that he wasn’t in the room when little person was born, i felt embarrassed and sad that his priority wasn’t me. So for my little person to say da da first kind of broke me a little bit more.

So. Thats it.  Today autism is shit.

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