Why does a blood relation to someone tie you to them? why do any of us strive to keep up relationships with blood relations, that are, sometimes utterly toxic.
Because, the blood that binds you, keeps you there. For me, even though my dad said and still says i am a pessimist (perhaps because he does not acknowledge my abuse in the way i hoped he would) i believe that i actually was an optimist growing up with an abusive alcoholic mother. a broken home, and sexual abuse.
Through therapy i realised that blood does not bind you to someone. If they hurt you, the do not deserve your optimism that things may change and you also should never waste the years i did trying to reform that relationship through guilt. The guilt that was projected on to me has never left me. ever.
Today i watched our oldest two, one NT and one ASD spent some quality time together, i had lost all hope, because ASD daughter created memories for her NT sister that weren’t exactly good growing up.
Tomorrow they may never speak again, that would not upset me. I do not speak to my sister because, well she has not had therapy. We tried. It did not work. At the time i was devastated, still am a little but i understand why. She copes her way , i coped my way. One thing is though for my absent sister, she had me every step of her horrible journey, i have not had the same returned to me.
I hope that through my parenting my girls and boys will know that its ok to be pretty f====d off with your siblings and actually want to punch them from time to time. and if they grow up to hate each other i wont be saying “what about my 60th birthday, what if we have a party” as , lets face it with a house ruled by autism, who wants a chuffin birthday party. ive been engaged 12 years, and only engaged because i told aspie man to ask me, gave him tools. We only have five kids because i went there. Autism life. I hope one day someone that loves me tells me they are proud of me. Because i need that.
I wish i was parenting with aspie man, but he doesn’t parent the way “normal” people do. He isn’t blood to me either, but when you love someone you love them. aspie man keeps his family on speed dial, incase i ever kick him out.
Bottom line, its extremely painful to cut someone out of your life that is blood related for an NT person. for an high functioning child its just a laugh….. the day aspie dad collapsed in ikea, aspie child went off and had great fun, nt daughter was distraught