I never knew I loved rock/death/that metally music until I met my (then un diagnosed)  aspie other half umpteen years ago, and its kind of grown on me.. Being classically trained my brain didn’t really want to make sense of this seemingly just noise based AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH stuff that was coming out of the speakers (old school, you know, a proper stereo, i am 38 so i have an excuse). I thought my eclectic mix of Wonderwall to the Spice Girls to Mozart was just perfect back in the day..

Once I really listened, like really listened to some of the lighter styles of stuff (think the likes of Metallicas “Nothing Else Matters” and Stainds “Its Been Awhile” I really began to hear things I hadn’t heard before, beat, drums, guitar, melody, lyrics… Actual music to my ears as it were.

I then moved onto some of the harder stuff. Machine Head for example, well, I never thought for one day that i would love any of that! But I do, and I now totally understand the words behind the songs, the beat, why this type of music full stop exists.. Everything it actually means and wants to say if you listen fully, take a step back and really HEAR it.

I have always used music to relate, equate, rationalise, cry to. Its my go to.  I was very open to change as well. Something I see so much the people I live with who are on the spectrum struggle with.  Looking back at my own kind of rigid thoughts about deathy rocky metal shows me that we all struggle at times with this kind of set in your ways attitude so why do certain professionals become that way too… Its almost like if your names not down you’re not coming in. Why is it called a Spectrum when there are boxes to tick and criteria to follow? Having one “obvious” child and one a little more complex this perplexes me wholly, along with how easy it was for my other half to get a diagnosis at the ripe old age of 35.

That professional who says your child is “fine” because they do not fit the “criteria”… I think they need to listen to some kind of music so outside their “box” just like i did, that they see and feel what I did when it clicked.. I don’t fit the criteria to like rocky deathy metally music, but I do.

The system is down all over the world when it comes to parents being heard about autism and sensory processing issues and it is so very toxic to every specific person dealing with it along with their families…..

We have to constantly fight, perhaps that is why the music clicked with me… as the AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH sound I used to hear from that music is all the noise I seem to want to make and have to make these days, both internally and externally when it comes to dealing with the tick box brigade..

When i get to rock bottom I listen to Rage Against the Machine Killing In the Name  *disclaimer i am NOT going to kill anyone….. this song reminds me alot of our demand avoidant daughter!!

The system needs to up its game so it isn’t toxic anymore….. it really is killing in the name of parents just so tired of being held at the master of puppets ball.

Nothing else matters but getting the support your child needs and knowing that there is someone out there that feels you, lives like you do sometimes and when it does get tough go listen to some AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH then start all over again 😉