The possessed potato

My "so" called life

Love. HUH, what is it good for — March 11, 2016

Love. HUH, what is it good for

That song reminds me of my memories as a child (no i wasn’t in a war zone i was a model for a VE victory day, sang and all that shizzle)

This morning felt like a warzone in my head, trying to either switch off my thoughts or talk to my aspie partner about the fact he hadn’t recognised my achievements breastfeeding wise……. or anything else for that matter.

I broke free and listened to myself, inside my head (i am not bipolar, but have a typical shirley valentine “talk to the wall” kind of life (thanks nan for that film, i utilise its analogies so much.)

Living with an adult male who was diagnosed later in life (because of me, I am sure his parents are still convinced i am the devil) is really tough. shit. horrible.. he makes up for it with his practicality which i am greatful for, but sometimes i just long for a cuddle without prompting, or to be acknowledged for who i am.

Tonight i saw the first proper cuddle between the two ASD people in our house. Its not enough, but i saw it happen. so it can happen. It wasn’t beautiful, it was just a realisation. She is 9 years old , nearly 10. Has the issues the same as he has, but that man wont recognise me and all i have done, that is a toughy to live with most of the time.

 

Living with autism is awesome, tomorrow it may well be meh

Teeth, Birthdays and Boobs — March 9, 2016

Teeth, Birthdays and Boobs

Today, well what can i say, our littlest persons 1st birthday, i reminisced at 5am, posted on fb at 6am with flashback pics of a fabulous homebirth and a tiny squidge, by 9am i was a crying wreck in the outhouse of our home.

toothbrush-clipart-black-and-white-purple-toothbrush-hi

8am i call the others “time to get up for school” (the Tasmanian devil aka as the 2 year old was already up at this point, suspect he has his fathers genetics but alot of mine too so i am hoping he grows up to be some kind of half hearted genius).

The “asd” possibly with “pda” child ignored the call, her aspie father commented he thought it would be tricky to get her up today?! was he actually visualising a scene or had he just seen me rant about it that much he got it for once…. either way the morning ensued as he had predicted.

“go brush your teeth love” stands with muted silence, my darling ASD daughter only got out of bed coerced with brotherly birthday love on my part. getting dressed is now not the issue (i have learned ways to deal with ASD on that front) , personal hygiene on the other hand well, both hands need washing and she wants to wash neither, or her teeth or wear deodorant or generally from an NT kind of persons stance “give a shit about being clean” no amount of reward charts, positive reinforcement, and even “kids will bloody bully you if you’re breath stinks” works……

My beautiful daughter , this morning fell into that zone of being a mute wreck. Not ONE person teaches you how to deal with this, not one. I eventually got her to school. Then sat and sobbed, and sobbed. Today is our littlest birthday, today i got my golden boobs for breastfeeding for a year exclusively, Today i have to remind myself that I am a champion. For so many reasons other than i know.   That is my mantra so i continue to survive. So fed up of seeing posts on social media with “do you know how chuffing hard it is to be autistic, do you know the struggles we have” yes i effing well do, i am a researcher, seeker of knowledge, i know it all to well. Life is pretty shit for me too!! Living with autism is meh , tomorrow it may well be awesome

 

Running Up That Hill — February 29, 2016

Running Up That Hill

On good days I pretend to myself that I was sent an autistic family (partner and children, 2 out of 5, so far…) to challenge me, that I am some kind of “empowered being” that someone out there or up there or where bloody ever, thought I could cope and should do so… and I do cope, but somedays that is all I do.

On bad days well anything and everything goes, emotion wise. I would happily choose at times to sit and silently scream and i have been known to wander off alone to a quiet field and actually loudly scream , and sob and think whoever the twat was that decided i needed this type of stress should be shot.

There is always lots of talk on social media these days about autism, but I don’t feel I ever see the true nit grit shit of it from a parents perspective. I have never seen it from a partners perspective who is in my kind of shoes either ( significant other diagnosed at 35 after us being together 15 years)

I am not one to subscribe to the “see it all as an optimist” kind of thing. If its shit, and its going to get shitter, then i will see it, will say it and will shout loudly about just how shit it is right at that moment. I’ve tried being an optimist, it just doesn’t work for me…

I do get the funny times, the literal sense of humour i see within my asd family sometimes has me crying tears of laughter, but the tears i cry of sadness do outweigh those times, most of the time.

I spent alot of my childhood, stoic, holding everything in emotionally (had too, more to come on that front!) so for me this new coming of age crying and letting out the pain of living with autism, has been a tough road so far.

And that is what it is a tough, tough road. That is definitely not all about my kids “special talents” or my partners “amazing lorry knowledge” . This is for all of us who feel like running up that hill and screaming… circa kate bush. running_up_that_hill_video

Today Autism is meh to be frank, tomorrow it may well be awesome………..

 

POSSESSED POTATO!!! — February 19, 2016

POSSESSED POTATO!!!

 

This isnt going to be all spooky shit, i promise but i have to start with the possessed potato….

Two days ago , my cool as shizzle 13 year old daughter asked me if i knew what the funny potato video was, now me, 37, 5 kids, man with autism kids with autism. I am not down with the times right now, but i said “yassss, of course i have seen it, show me again” .

She showed me, funny as fuck . She then proceeded to video herself throwing a potato through our bifolds whilst saying ” a potato flew around the room”. Well, i laughed as only i could, being all down with the teenagers.

I have toyed with having a blog for a while, some say im funny on fb (who fucking isn’t, my fb is full of “funny” people!) toyed about sharing my life, lots of people have told me over the years to write a book, er no, too much hassle, too scary? probably both!

Anyway, back to potatogate. Teenager goes off to bed, i sit down for a glass of wine and catching up with real knobheads of every country, or should that be county… i need a top up, off i head to the fridge.  We have an all singing , all dancing fridge, gives you ice , water everything. It never dances to my tune though, whenever i want ice it goes “fuck you bitch!” and just clogs up.

I return to my seat to find a potato on the settee, exactly where i was sat. Now i know i have a massive floppy arse (thanks child number 2) but i am pretty sure i would have known if i was sat on a potato.